Splat X: Scratched Record
by ThePizzaLovingTurtle
Summary: A series of scenarios that may take place in Dread Angel's Splat X universe and beyond. With permission of course. Featuring sibling arguments over manga, irresponsible parents, and excessive amounts of destruction. Today: Agent 3 goes shopping.
1. Manga Misunderstandings

**Splat X: Scratched Record**

 **A.k.a. "splat x except written in the style of pizza's trash post stories" -anon**

 **The Beginning of the End**

Lightning crackled and struck the tip of Inkopolis Tower. As the top was charred from an unrelenting assault of the bolts string of electricity arced and buzzed as it ran down the once pristine light-green architecture down to the ground below. The Great Zapfish wrapped around the tower as always, but with its eyes shut and unmoving. As the electricity rippled across its stagnant flesh, it snored, and wrapped itself tighter around the tower to get comfier. It also happened to be raining by the way which really made it hard to get around without getting soaked.

Immune to the effects of nature, two Inklings standing in the downpour faced one another. The two of them glared at one another with nothing but contempt and hatred in their eyes. Despite the fact that it deluged around the two squids they were unharmed. Unseen to the naked eyes, two layers of flaming auras shined around both of them at once. So much in fact that the rain droplets that fell around them caught fire simply by falling by.

One Inkling, a strong, independent, well-endowed, long and orange tentacled, two-large-tentacles-in-front-of-her-face-having, sweatshirt-wearing, white pants wearing, fresh belt wrapped, white kicks donning woman pierced her opponent with her gaze. "So...looks like you came."

The other Inkling in an ensemble of a Baseball Jersey with shorts and a pair of fresh Red Sea Slugs just blinked back at her. "Uh...yeah." He rubbed his blue tentacles self-consciously.

"You bastard." The woman glared at him and began to circle about the plaza.

"What?" The man backed up. "All I said-"

"Good grief…" The woman muttered and lowered her head. "You really are dense…"

"...Rem, can you cut it out and tell me what's up?" He frowned and gazed at her.

"You." Rem muttered and looked up slowly. "Ix. You've been a thorn in my side since the very beginning."

"Oh boy." Ix muttered back and rolled his eyes.

"Ever since the day we met…" Rem raised her left arm and clenched it. It closed almost robotically slow. Hint hint. "I've always pegged you as my little brother…"

"That's because I am-" Ix interrupted.

A blot of orange ink was lobbed at him. Ix yelped and ducked low to the ground as the orange ink sailed over his head. Crouched low on the ground, Ix shot a cursory glance back and cursed, as the ink steamed and boiled unnaturally in the air. A burst of heat emanated from behind him and slowly cooled as the rain coated the unorthodox fluid and cooled it almost instantly.

"What the hell Rem?!" Ix scowled and rose to his feet.

"Shut up." Rem glowered at him. "I haven't finished."

"Well, once you're done with this whole tantrum thing, can we get back to writing?" Ix asked as he rose up slowly.

"No!" Rem cried out and lobbed another suspiciously hot blob of "ink" at him which Ix manged to dodge again. "This is why I wanted to get out here in the first place! You're IMPOSSIBLE to work with!"

"I'm impossible?!" Ix pushed himself off of the ground.

Suddenly a flash of light illuminated to plaza. For a brief second the two of them thought a lightning bolt struck the floor this time. Instead of electricity they were treated to the sight of several disgruntled sea creatures. A horseshoe crab garbed with goggles wrapped under his shell standing upright stood with his arms sternly at his side. A vibrantly sea anemone wearing glasses stood a few feet across from him with her arms shyly wrapped behind her back.

"Uh, sorry guys, but could you take this argument somewhere else?" The horseshoe crab muttered and rubbed his goggles.

"What?" Rem glared back at the crab.

The particularly fashionable sea anemone in a hoodie twiddled her fingers. "Um...well...you see…"

"SCRAM YA TROGLODYTES!" A clownfish popped out from the nest of tentacles that was her hair. "YOU'RE SCARING AWAY THE CUSTOMERS!"

The sound of rain filled the silence that ensued.

"...Get out of here before I CALL THE COPS." The clownfish threatened and reached into the anemone's hair to retrieve a minuscule mobile phone.

"Really?" Rem muttered as she raised her arm again. "Try me."

"Okay, hold on." Ix muttered and massaged his temples. "You dragged me out of the house all the way to the plaza-"

"In the middle of the rain." Rem added assuredly.

"Just because of the whole 'manga' thing?" Ix complained.

"What thing?" Sheldon frowned.

"This." Rem announced and reached into her pockets.

Ix flinched and turned to Rem. "No, don't show them the-"

Rem raised a small fold of paper from her pockets. She unfolded the paper multiple times, and took care to keep the paper away from the flaming rain drops that began to steam on the ground despite all rules of nature. They left several tiny scorch marks on the already blackened asphalt, undoubtedly to be left there even as the sun would come up the next day.

Rem pushed the scroll towards their direction. "Is it so hard to add?"

"Rem, it's not that." Ix muttered and covered his face bashfully.

The shopkeepers present had varying reactions to the contents of the scroll. The crab's eyes nearly popped out of his goggles. The anemone's face blew up in a scarlet shade. The clownfish...well the clownfish hardly changed from his usual bug-eyed expression but if he had more than just an agape mouth and two dinner plates for eyes maybe he would have arched an eyebrow.

"HM?!" The clown fish's tail fluttered back in forth in the air. "WOULD YOU LOOK AT THOSE NICE ROUND-"

"See Ix?" Rem lowered the indecent scroll. "Moe's cool with it. Why can't you be?"

"Rem, we've been over this, I'm not sketching that." Ix shook his head in irritation. "The point of this story is to make an adventure with protagonists the characters can relate to. Not...satisfy someone's kinks."

"I know I'm satisfied!" Moe shouted over the rain.

"You see what I have to deal with?" Rem shouted back at the shopkeepers angrily. "He's hopeless!"

"I, er, um, well, eh…" The horseshoe crab began to twiddle his own fingers at lightspeed.

"T-That's too lewd!~~~~~" The anemone gushed as her face looked as if it could explode.

"Eugh!" Moe 'muttered' at maximum volume. "You got Annie FLUSTERED. SHE'LL BE LIKE THIS FOR AT LEAST THE NEXT FEW HOURS! NICE WORK BATTER-BOY."

"Me?!" Ix pressed his hands to his chest.

"Ix, you have two choices." Rem grimaced as dark as she could. "Either you just draw it and that's it or else I'll kick your ass from seven to six."

Ix bit his lip and glanced at Rem and mulled over the options. After a quick second of thinking, he simply shook his head, and gazed at her straight in the eyes.

"No." He replied.

Rem's hands lit ablaze and despite common sense would have told anyone her hands were completely fine. "So be it."

"Hang on, I'm not finished." Ix interrupted quickly. "Listen, Rem, I get that you want to make the characters as appealing as you would want to." The fire in her eyes (and on her arms) dimmed slightly. "But I'm trying to put as much effort as I can in making these characters relatable."

Moe scoffed. "What's more relatable than liking a chick with HUGE-"

"Shut up Moe!" Those present in the plaza (except for Annie still practically dying of embarrassment) yelled over the rain as another lightning bolt struck the tower. The Zapfish hardly blinked.

Ix cleared his throat. "The point is that I get it. You want the readers to like your characters. But making them as physically attractive as you can possibly make them won't make the readers respect them more." Ix glanced to the side. "Although it does seem to get you a bunch of fan-art." He stared back at Rem and frowned. "Does that make sense?"

Rem stared at Ix for a while. The rain pattered down and appeared to lessen into a light sprinkling. Most of the bystanders, except for the beet red Annie, stood and watched in silence as the two continued to stare at each other menacingly.

Finally, after what felt like a decade and a half, Rem's shoulders hung low. "I just...I just thought it would be nice, y'know? I don't see anything wrong with it."

"I know, Rem." Ix sighed in frustration. "But, for the sake of the story, can we please just stick with a normal character that doesn't rely on sticking out constantly?"

"..." Rem glared at Ix. "Are you preaching to me?"

"...Yes." Ix frowned at her.

Rem scowled at Ix for a solid minute. Basically a whole minute of nothing but staring at the other. The rain drops around them did start to boil through the ground and sink into the earth after the thirty seconds though so I suppose that is at least something to tide one over with.

Eventually after a stale minute of causing water to burn through the Earth's crust through sheer willpower Rem simply shook her head and turned around with her arms crossed.

"...Sis?" Ix inquired gently.

A barrage of flaming ink blasted out. The sudden deluge of fire most definitely caught Ix by surprise. The burning ink stuck to his clothes in an instant.

"...You're an ass, Rem." Ix muttered as he melted into nothingness.

As soon as her brother pretty much died Rem began to giggle. Then her giggles exploded into uncontrollable laughter. The shopkeepers gazed on in horror at the remnants of where Ix once stood and the puddle of glorified lava sank into the ground with the rest of the rain that caught on fire due to reasons.

"Yes! I WON!" Rem cried out in glee. "Now I can finally-"

"Sis!"

"WHAGH!" Rem's head jolted up suddenly. "Oough…"

"Keep your eyes open for once!" Ix snapped and turned back to his desk. "If we're going to make the deadline then I need you to focus!"

Rem pushed up from her resting spot on the desk sat up groggily and stared Ix straight in the eyes. "...I thought I killed you?"

Ix stared at Rem incredulously for a solid real-time minute again. Rem stared back tiredly with a clear indication that she gave no hoots about the stack of papers she had smothered with her face. With all the grace of a rock Rem smacked back down face first onto the stack of papers and began to snore.

He scowled and waved her off and turned back to a sheet of paper spared from the wrath of Rem. "Why bother? Of course she had to go pubbing the night before. Probably would've just told me to draw a bigger bosom- AAGH!"

"Do it." Rem gripped her brother around his jersey's collar. "Do it now!"

"...No!" Ix exclaimed. "I thought we were over this!"

Rem glared up at him. A smile ran across her face suspiciously. "Alright then."

As Rem went back to sleep Ix blinked down in confusion. "Is that it?"

* * *

Five days later Inkopolis was reduced to a rubble of charred stones and cinders. The once great city was leveled in but a few days. Among the burnt building fragments were three creatures.

Ix sat in between Sheldon and Annie as they gazed up at the sky. The imposing figure of Rem flying because…loomed over them with a ginormous blob of flaming fire orbiting just above her head.

"Oh no oh no oh no." Annie shivered.

"What did we do to deserve this?!" Sheldon asked as the two shopkeepers huddled closer to Ix.

"...I pissed her off." Ix sighed as the gigantic blot of ink started to fall.

From space the Earth was a wonderful planet with its life ahead of it. Then all of a sudden its dreams were shattered, as was itself, and the planet came apart with a mighty explosion which ripped itself across the cosmos embarrassingly early for its life time. Aliens viewing this phenomenon would then come to know the incident as the "Nuclear Summer" incident for the planet.

* * *

DISAGREEMENT END: SIBLING ARGUMENTS ARE ROUGH. DON'T HAVE THEM.

* * *

AN: Never did have any aspirations to become a serious writer. Thanks to Dread Angel for giving me permission to essentially ruin his universe.

Thanks for reading. This is ThePizzaLovingTurtle and I'll see you next time on Sea Squid Splat X.


	2. Universe: Broken

AN: Dread if you're reading don't get mad. But I just realized I think I might have created a whole different plot hole. A collaboration plot hole. ...I think quite a few of them perhaps. Regardless, here's how it could have gone down if I didn't have the whole "Tele-Cube could probably work as a universal translator" excuse.

...Also as a reason for why Splat X Separation may be delayed. Alongside every other story in general.

Plus just making this an intentionally bad story with only one chapter does seem a little ridiculous.

 **Splatoon: The Brothers a- I mean Scratched Record**

 **Crossover Catastrophe: The Language Barrier**

 **Featuring Splin from the Brother May Cry Series**

The ever glorious city of Inkopolis. An illustrious locale, filled to the brim with several budding sea life including Inklings in a constant strive to be the very best in their respective squid hobbies. However, as pleasantly open minded these creatures may be, they have yet to truly comprehend the threat about to hit their world…

A pair of light-blue jellyfish sat daintily atop a cement dock, the blob-like figures staring out to sea side by side. One of the light-blue creatures' tentacles had spiraled over the edge into the water below and the round tip of the blue tentacle bobbed atop the surface of the water, conspicuous and vigilant. Comfortably fishing in a jacket with several navy pockets, the jellyfish hummed absent-minded as his tentacles wriggled back and forth as the other sat on the edge, one tentacle resting bored in a intestine-shaped coil underneath his blue round head.

One of the jellyfish glanced at the other, and in its native "tongue", spoke up, "...I have the sudden realization on the morbid feeling of this fishing."

"How now?" The jelly-fisher asked as his tentacle continued to bob up and down.

"Aren't we too fish," The other jellyfish inquired as his tentacle coiled upwards, pointed down at the both of them, and shaped itself into an arrowhead directed towards the both of them, "Fish like everyone else?"

"...What are you speaking," The jelly-fisher remarked with his eyes fixated blankly on his tentacle. "We are too fish. Have you forgotten to study our very names?"

"But the other fishes." The other jellyfish frowned with all the willpower a mouth-less creature could muster, as his tentacle recoiled and snapped back at his side, resting it underneath his very round head. "Don't we live with them all here? We too are fishes. If we live with fish why do we eat them?"

"Ah. The ones we eat don't talk," The jelly-fisher answered quickly and hauled itself to the side as he continued to keep a sharp eye on his tentacle, "So it's fine."

"How does that make it fine," The other jellyfish inquired again and dangled its smaller, stubby, leg tentacles off of the wall of the dock.

The jelly-fisher rolled his eyes. "Pull up a fish, and if it doesn't say it wants to be back in the ocean," He spoke as he reeled, "Then it's fine."

"...I guess that has sense." The other jellyfish furrowed its translucent brow hesitantly.

The two of them continued to sit in peace, aside from the waves as they careened into the dock below them, and maintained their continuous stare on the sea.

"...Wait one hour... Then, technically, does that mean we can eat Inklings," The other jellyfish inquired curiously.

"...Well, not in the slightest." The jelly-fisher shrugged distractedly as it continued to fish with its tentacle. "They still speak. Just less blubber-like."

The other jellyfish gazed down at the sea, and the waves as they brushed past the dock, and pointed towards the water. "...But those might have their own fishy language."

The jelly-fisher shrugged tiredly. "They do not speak understandable words, there. If they do not speak words they are fair game."

The other jellyfish's eyes beamed in enlightenment. Content, the jelly-fisher turned to the ocean, and immediately perked up. All of a sudden, his elastic blue tentacle draped over the side back into the ocean below. A squishy indentation resembling an eyebrow cocked popped up on the jellyfishes' brows. The two edged closer over the edge of the dock.

"Did you catch something?" The other jellyfish popped by his side in curiously.

"I think so," The jelly-fisher remarked with a gleeful expression, as his tentacle tugged towards the water yet again. "Big one!"

"Go for it! What do you got," The other one asked with genuine curiosity.

The jelly-fisher grunted and heaved back. He glanced down at his own cyan tentacle as it sunk deeper in the water. Frowning, he began pulling up and out of the sea, only to find that the appendage was stuck deep in the ocean water. Frantically, he began tugging back on his tentacle, only to feel the catch resist ,and pull back towards the sea below.

"Really big one! REALLY big one," The jelly-fisher cried out as its stubbier leg tentacles scuttled back futilely, "Help me reel it in!"

"Reel it in? You have no-" The other jellyfish sighed and slapped onto the other's small shoulders in a snap. "I got you."

As he said that the two edged closer to the end of the dock. Beads of blue sweat dripped down the gelatinous heads of the both of them. The other jellyfish searched the dock frantically for something as they neared closer and closer towards the water.

Peering backwards at the dock, he found a dock cleat stationed in the cement a few feet back. The other jellyfish wrapped its left tentacle around the jelly-fisher's head.

"Blurk!" The jelly-fisher stammered and flailed his leg tentacles as he struggled against the two different pulls.

"Hold on!" The other jellyfish exclaimed as it extended to the far end of the dock. "Almost-"

"Got it," Cried the jelly-fisher enthusiastically as he hoisted his fishing tentacle into the air, "Got it, got it, it's mine!"

"Eh?" The other jellyfish gulped in confusion then flopped down onto the cement.

The other jellyfish watched in awe as the jelly-fisher enthusiastically "reeled" in his catch. As if there was an actual reel attached to the side of his left tentacle, he rapidly circled with his right tentacle as he pulled upwards. The other jellyfish simply sighed in response to his frantic fishing frenzy.

"Yeah! I've got the hang of it now." He "smiled" brightly with his mouth-less face and continued to scuttle back with an increasing vigor.

The other jellyfish frowned and edged closer to him as he continued to pull his tentacle back. "'Got the hang' of it? Wha?"

"Yeah it must have given up." The jelly-fisher shrugged nonchalantly and started tugging back harder.

Out of curiosity the other jellyfish ambled towards the edge of the dock. He peered down at the water and narrowed its eyes at the other tentacle as it rocked back and forth along the waves. He gazed into the sea for quite a while as the tentacle pulled itself back over the side. The other jellyfish frowned and started to move away from the dock edge until he caught a glimpse of a glint in the ocean.

"Mh?" He mumbled as he squinted. "...Is the ocean getting oranger?"

A burst of light flashed from the water below and into the sky. The both of them gawked at it in awe for few seconds. The light also knocked the other jellyfish up into the air, where he wriggled and blubbered in fright, then landed back on the dock square on his face. The fisher-jellyfish glanced back in horror.

"Are you okay?!" The jelly-fisher inquired in concern.

"Blrblbr." Replied the other jellyfish from the floor.

"Phew," The jelly-fisher wiped his forehead in relief and returned to staring at the water. "...Oh hey!"

The other jellyfish pried its face off from the ground and stared back up across the dock. His eyes rolled about in dizzy circles.

"...What," He slurred dizzily, "What's going on?"

"No wonder." The jelly-fisher remarked as he continued to gaze down at the water.

"Tell me," The other jellyfish shouted back at him as his eyes righted themselves, "What is not a wonder?"

"That was what I said. It is not a wonder! It didn't give up," The jelly-fisher spun around and answered with bright beaming eyes. "It was unconscious!"

The other jellyfish cocked his translucent brow up. "Unconscious?"

"And it wasn't a fish either," The jelly-fisher spoke as it pulled its tentacle out and pulled up a drenched Inkling onto shore, "It was actually a corpse!"

"..." The other jellyfish looked on in horror at the Inkling face-down on the pavement.

The jelly-fisher blinked back at him. "What?"

"BLRLRLAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Echoed the other jellyfish's screams, in a bubbly yet horrified tone, as he tripped backwards. "Oh no! The squid-anity!"

"No need for terrible puns, she's good!" The jelly-fisher remarked and tapped the strange Inkling with his tentacle. "...Just...mostly dead."

"She really isn't alive," The other jellyfish shouted his question all while he slammed his tentacles on the side of his head.

The jelly-fisher shrugged and pointed towards the end of the dock. "She was in the water, wasn't she?" He turned back to the orange mop of tentacles. "I'm pretty sure she's dead. Who's heard of an Inkling who could swim?"

"Could you at least check?" The other jellyfish pointed squeamishly at the body and recoiled. "...Eeugh. Her chest is all inflated. Too much water in the Inkling system must do…" The other jellyfish narrowed his eyes. "Strange...things."

"...Okay." The jelly-fisher whined.

The jelly-fisher turned back towards the woman and crouched by her side. The jelly-fisher inspected her, and took note of one very long tendril elastically wrapped in a band among a small crown of smaller orange tentacles dangled on the floor. The red hoodie she wore sagged with dampness, as did her orange tentacles, yet she showed no signs of pain aside from her face. Her expression was sharp with irritation in spite of her comatose state, as if this was extremely inconvenient.

With a frown the jelly-fisher rolled her over on her side and inspected her face. "...Hey! Are you alive?"

Her bright orange tentacles continued to hang over her face, still damp, still dripping drops of water. Her body and chest laid perfectly still as if she were frozen in stone. Curious, the jelly-fisher leaned over her face, pushed off the tentacles, and took note of her green pupils, now glaring intensely back at him.

"Great luck! She is awake, and of greatest importance, not a puddle!" Proclaimed the jelly-fisher as he smiled, "That's great! Hey-"

His sentence were rudely cut off as he was launched into the stratosphere without a sound. Fist raised in the air, the woman's green irises beamed vibrantly, her fist steaming. All of a sudden, she began to cough violently, spewing water from her mouth, her arms braced on the cement as she continued to progressively hack out sea water.

The other jellyfish gazed at his friend as he flew off through the big blue and turned back to the Inkling. "...Uh-"

"...Eccck…" She muttered in a low tone as she stared him down.

The now solitary jellyfish shivered and shuddered violently as the bizarre Inkling propped herself up with her elbow. The damp sweater sleeve soaked the dock a darker grey as she loomed over the jellyfish, even in her low state, her irises an emerald alarm to the other sea creature. Lightning seemed to flash in her eyes as she glowered at him.

"Blrrgh," The Inkling continued to cough again, dropping to all-fours and hacking seaweed on the floor.

"Are you…" The jellyfish blubbered with a frown. "Are you oka-"

She began to gasp for breath. "Ugh! Oh- No, no-"

The jellyfish blinked and inquisitively raised a tentacle up into the air. "...How are you-"

"BLEeEeEeGH!" She coughed another gallon of seawater up on the dock for a solid ten seconds before gasping for air again. "Oh, God! The ocean sucks!"

"..." The jellyfish stared at her in concerned silence.

"Wait, wait-" Her eyes popped out. "Not again." She gagged and rolled on her side.

The jellyfish furrowed his brow and crossed his tentacles. He heard a nauseated wheeze. A second later he saw a crab scuttled out from behind her head. The jellyfish was wordless.

But the woman was not finished, far from it, as more water exited her system in a rather uncouth manner. "Blegh! Ptooie! Oh, FUCK. 'Fighting over the ocean is cool!' That plan was- I did NOT-" She wheezed again, "I did NOT ask for a bath!"

The jellyfish reached over and poked her with his tentacle. "Wakey wakey?"

His blue tentacle was grabbed almost immediately. The jellyfish began to sweat bullets as he was lifted upwards nearly effortlessly. His tentacle pinched by two fingers that felt like hot daggers, he stared, face-to-face with the Inkling.

"...What." She murmured under her breath as her tentacles sagged over her face. "Did you say to me?"

She glared at the jellyfish angrily, who began to blubber. "Bluh, blrblr, blub-"

Within seconds the jellyfish found himself blubbering in terror as he involuntarily followed his friend out into the blue sky. The Inkling woman watched coldly as her thrown victim vanished into the stratosphere. As he became but a tiny, near invisible dark-blue dot on the horizon, the woman lifted her face and glared ahead with a bonfire raging in her eyes.

A familiar city loomed ahead. Skyscrapers towered, the streets buzzed with activity, and the sky was brilliantly blue. The woman's hands clenched into fists by her side.

"...Inkopolis." She gritted her teeth. "That bastard...he's still there. I will end him."

The water around the dock steamed as she walked forwards. The ocean surged uncharacteristically irritably underneath the perfect sky. Most notable of all, her clothes seemed to ripple in the marine air, smoke spiraling upwards into the sky as she trudged forward.

* * *

Meanwhile, because every start to an apocalypse needs common scenes of life to create horror and suspense, a young Inkling boy sat on the outskirts of city hot spot, Inkopolis Plaza, sitting upon a small bench upon a train platform underneath the shade of the platform's convenient roofing.

His right hand rested bored on his cheek. "Geez. Nothing's happening today." He glanced around the train platform quizzically. "That's a first."

Another track played in his ears quietly. His colorful Designer Headphones, violet and blue, did little but play a solemn tune that seemed to merge with the background soundtrack. Tiredly, he bobbed his blue tentacled head to the music in an unenthusiastic manner for a while.

The Inkling peered upwards ahead of him. Inkopolis Tower loomed over the plaza not too far ahead. As if sharing his condolences, wrapped around the tower, the Great Zapfish stared back at him blankly. Its orange lips stuck in a frown, it continued to stare back at him with nothing better to do.

It shuddered, and from its bright-yellow coiled whiskers, arcs of electricity buzzed and coiled about only to die out in the midst of their crawl.

"Yeah," The Inkling spoke towards it. "It really sucks. There's nothing to do but Turf Wars. No new games, nothing interesting happening recently, it's all just the same old, same old."

The Great Zapfish stared back at him just as absentmindedly as it had before.

"...Guess that's just fair," He sighed and shook his head, "I mean, if we had another fiasco like you going missing again, for example, dunno how that would turn out."

He stretched his arms behind his head and crossed them, then nudged his headphones off his ears and onto his lap. His head laid back on the bench tiredly.

"Then again, a little excitement wouldn't hurt." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Maybe then I would have something else to do besides talk to myself."

A sudden sound snapped him out of his doldrums. His brown pupils flashed open, and he nearly fell off the bench as he quickly surveyed the area. With a frown, he stared at the shining train in front of him now as slowed to a stop. Once it paused in its tracks, it made another noise, a jingle, as the doors to the locomotive slid open.

"...Hmph." The Inkling shook his head and started for the inside.

He froze midway. Before he could take a step inside, something splattered in front of him. The Inkling gazed at the unidentifiable mess in front of him. What appeared to be a fisherman's jacket was drenched in a viscous blue liquid.

"What the…?" He muttered as he examined the puddle.

The train began to shudder. With a scowl, the Inkling sighed, and lifted his leg over the puddle as he stepped inside. Once inside, he glanced back at the now empty train platform, and grimaced at the strange article of clothing. The doors shut and the train began to shove off with a puff of smoke.

He frowned and turned away from the window as he went to take a seat. "...I must be seeing things-"

The Inkling flinched and peered back at the window when he heard the second splat. The train departed quickly, leaving the platform in the dust, but he swore he saw something hit the platform.

* * *

In her red Zekko Hoodie, Rem walked about Inkopolis infuriated. Despite the discrepancy in the weather behind her, the city continued to go about its business the same as always. She surveyed the bustling city and the road in front of her as the dramatic storm continued to follow behind her.

Vendors on the streets seemed to have taken advantage of the extreme tourism and set-up shop along the sidewalks. Heavy lines stretched across the pavement. Not too far off, a school of well-dressed salmon flopped out the doors of a tall, organized skyscraper. Once the school reassembled on the outside of the building, the lot of them stood up straight and tall, and dispersed into different directions.

Rem started for the street. Traffic was heavy, as lines of vehicles cluttered the roads, a cacophony of horns filling the busy air. Barely caring, the female Inkling started for the other side as traffic continued to blare aimlessly.

As she crossed onto the asphalt of the street, a truck horn blared. She glared to her left. A very angry shrimp wearing a trucker's hat glared from behind the windshield of a large pick-up truck with a simple white rectangular storage unit attached to the back. With an equally irritated expression, she continued on across the street in front of the truck. Leering back at her impatiently, the shrimp shoved forward in frustration and slammed his leg down towards the accelerator, and the truck lurched forward dangerously, scattering pumice and pebbles on the road as it launched forwards.

Bystanders gazed on in horror from the streets, walking Inklings and sea life paused only to reach out and call for the seemingly oblivious Inkling, while others averted their eyes and ducked low for fear of the impact.

"Get out of my way." She walked onward without a care in the world, her wrist flicking outwards.

The impact came swiftly and with a clang. Some marveled at the horrific incident. Others continued to hide from the horror. Rem on the other hand continued to walk forward, her hand still smoking. The bystanders gazed at the ruined truck sprawled on the sidewalk in awe, metallic fragments sprawled about the cement, its front fenders and grille dented and flaming in as if a comet had slammed straight into it.

From behind the seething hood embroiled in smoke and the shattered windshield, the trucker shrimp dizzily poked his head out of the side, or technically the top, of the truck and collapsed dazedly on his side. The rest of the pedestrians advanced on the shrimp, others retrieved mobile phones from their pockets, and some ogled at the woman as she passed through the traffic unharmed.

The storm clouds seemed to accumulate above her. As the pedestrians began to frown towards the sky and make way for cover, the clouds above them flashed and began to drip.

* * *

Inside of the train, Splin fiddled with his small, squid-shaped smartphone aimlessly as he stared down at his shoes. He gazed wistfully at his contact list, nothing but his own name and a small collection of friendly titles popping up.

Bright light flashed by in thin squares as the train passed along the tracks. They blinked in and out as the train passed under the shadows of tall buildings. As he swung the Orange Arrows on his feet to and fro, he glanced out the window bored.

That was when the sky flashed.

Reluctantly, he stared down at his shoes, then flinched and swiveled towards the windows. "Huh?"

A collection of storm clouds began to clutter the sky for...some reason. Even though the sun and the rest of the sky were bright and as typically happy as weather could be, the storm clouds intruded on the city in a mob, rolling in from the distance. Squinting towards the window, he scowled at the storm, and shook his head.

" _Grand,"_ The young Inkling thought to himself as he leaned back in his seat. _"Guess I'll melt today."_

A few seconds passed, with nothing else but the city backdrop seeming to pass by through the glass windows. Eventually, the train finally began to slow to a pause. The train's jingle played dutifully again as the doors shifted open. Splin stepped up and out of his seat, and instantly frowned.

He glanced back down at the blue mess still on the train platform. "...I took the round trip." Splin glanced backwards at the train and sighed.

With barely a moment to spare, the train sped up along the tracks and off into the distance. A trail of smoke puffed away, leaving Splin back at square one.

" _Who designed this track system?"_ He wondered to himself.

Before he could question any further, he shrieked, and leaped away from the edge of the platform. At least, he tried, and fell in doing so. He tumbled backwards and fell on the platform on his behind and gazed at the puddle in horror. Instead of one blue splatter on the floor, there now laid two, and had both of them had squishy tentacles wriggling out of them.

Splin screamed again, kicking at the floor, his headphones dropping from his head onto his neck. "Oh Cod, what?!" He kicked at the puddles erratically as he tripped, his eyes shut as he braced for the worst.

"Blurb- BLUH," The puddle complained and released his ankle. "Blurhuh! Blrrr!"

Splin crawled erratically backwards as he gasped for breath. "Huh?!"

The young Inkling pulled his leg back from the blue splotch on the ground and instinctively scooted backwards up and away from the edge of the train platform. He stared at the small tentacles as they writhed in the air, seeking around for something, anything, as blind as a bat.

After his brief panic attack, Splin stopped quivering, and stared at the puddles in disbelief. "...Oh, what?"

Much to his surprise and mild unnerving, the puddle grew eyes, and stared at Splin from the edge of the platform. Squished and rather disorientated, the pair of white specks rolled about the gelatinous surface of the puddle in a daze, taking in the sights, each and every one of them to be precise.

The jellyfish, practically reanimated from its liquid state, sprung up back into an orb-like figure and bobbed back and forth dizzily. "Bleeeh."

Splin glanced over the jellyfish in the fishing gear cautiously. "...Um." He reached a hand out, albeit rather reluctantly. "...Hey."

The small black pupils in the jellyfish's eyes rolled on and on for quite some time until they finally managed to stop and stare ahead of the jellyfish at the Inkling in the Black Anchor Tee with his headphones carelessly strewn about his neck. The jelly-fisher blinked at him, then fixed his jacket. The jelly-fisher vibrated oddly as it made a noise akin to a throat being cleared.

"Blrr, blubbity blub, bloop blip blobbity blob," He complained and shivered as he spoke, "Blippity blob."

"I...uh…" The young Inkling blinked in utter bewilderment, shook his head, and scowled in bewilderment. "What?"

The jelly-fisher gazed almost completely absent-minded for a solid minute. Splin gawkily wrapped his arms together in front of his abdomen and rested a solid fist underneath his chin as the two stared each other off. At least, that was Splin's explanation for the death stare, up until the point the jelly-fisher's eyes grew exponentially larger than his face might have been able to handle.

"BLOOP." The jelly-fisher slapped one tentacle onto his head and thrusted another one outwards towards the sky in the shape of an arrow. "Bloop! Bloop!"

"'Bloop'?" Splin blinked in confusion at the jelly-fisher's antics, "...Is that a-" Another frown popped on his face when he noticed the upset jellyfish as it wriggled back and forth, blubbering in absolute horror with its tentacles on its head, "That's gotta be a bad thing."

The jelly-fisher, practically jogging in place, gripped the other puddle stuck in the ground and began to dash with his friend in tow. "Bloooooooop!"

The jelly-fisher took off, but his friend was still glued to the cement. For a few moments anyways. Splin watched as the other jellyfish's tentacle demonstrated its elastic, stubborn nature and extended with the jellyfish continuing to stare straight at the ground. The cement scratched and crackled as the jellyfish peeled off of the train platform, its flattened eyes stuck in a frightful position.

Eventually he peeled free of the grip of the merciless, and like a rubber band, snapped back towards his carrier. A clap sound broke as the jellyfish collided, the two of them careening towards the track. Luckily for them, it seemed to be the last of their troubles, because a familiar jingle sounded out the moment they launched. Another squishy crash sounded off, and Splin watched as the train blindly chugged forward for a third run, the jellyfish stuck on the front of the locomotive being the last Splin saw of them.

"...Well that happened." Splin's arms fell back to his side, the Inkling shaking his head in disbelief. "What was up with those two?"

Adjacent to Splin, the train platform roofing came down, revealing, surprise! A brand new car! Unfortunately for our contestant, the car's condition, as well as the roofing, were now completely useless considering they were both broken, separated into multiple pieces, and happened to be on fire.

"What the shell?" Splin nearly tripped again at the sight and sound of a perfectly good vehicle being wasted. "What's going on now?"

Out of sheer curiosity, as well as mortal peril, Splin turned around. His pupils narrowed, his arms went slack, and his jaw nearly broke off.

"Ah, what type of-"

"TY! I know you're still out there. COME OUT AND FIGHT ME AND LOSE LIKE THE COWARD I KNOW YOU ARE," Rem screamed at the top of her lungs as she literally stormed towards the city.

Inexplicably, a line of extremely dramatic storm clouds with downpour followed closely behind her. Also behind her lied a trail. Of the trail, there were lovely attractions such as destroyed cars, a few questionable splatters of ink, and fire. Rows and rows of fire. The flames also happened to exist even within the range of rain.

I don't really know at this point either. The point is, fire, death, economic problems, Rem walking forward with murderous intent, etcetera.

Her orange tentacles flared upwards dangerously as if they were wisps of flames, which considering the destruction left in her wake, may as well have been a bonfire upon her crown. Rem's every step seemed to shake the ground, heat haze following her path, with Inkopolis seeming to gradually warm up as she strut.

Splin began to sweat as she approached. "Oh."

Rem approached the train platform quickly with her eyes dangerously locked on the other Inkling. Splin watched in terror as the remaining roofing seemed to melt under the haze. Metal liquefied and spilled on the train platform. His throat felt dry and his sweat seemed to steam and evaporate as it dripped down his forehead.

"Hey there," Rem acknowledged with her arms crossed underneath her chest, "Are you deaf?"

The younger Inkling gazed up at her, paralyzed and mute, his pupils shrinking under her gaze.

"Where the hell is Ty," She asked with a violent sneer, "Don't you know him? Huh? Or are you just going to stay silent? Like the others?"

Splin glanced behind the other Inkling. His vision seemed to blur as he peered at the dried ink in the background. He managed to take a glimpse at the sullied asphalt and buildings before it seemed to dissipate into nothingness as if it were a mirage.

All of a sudden, his shirt felt hot. Splin glanced downwards at a tight fist gripping his tee, the hand charring his chest. He continued to stare in a daze as the other Inkling glared down at him, lifting him up to her face.

"Where. Is. He?" She clenched her fist.

The smoke and fire crackled in the distance. Splin took one long, morose look at the other Inkling, as a blue tear escaped from his right eye. It rolled down to his cheek, persevered, then dissipated.

"...Ngyoo." Rem heard the reply answer back incoherently.

Rem dropped the Inkling onto the floor. Where there once had been a young boy, a pile of ashes and a puddle sat, drying quickly. A pair of Designer Headphones, charred and gooey, melted into the puddle as the Black Anchor Tee and Orange Arrow shoes roasted. Rem stood still for a moment, then collapsed onto her knees.

She let out a sigh. The rain and fire raged on in a disastrous dance of the elements. Needless to say, it may take a while to find out where she really was. Tragically, she knew one thing and one thing only. This was not her Inkopolis to ruin.

* * *

REALISTIC END

Can Inklings speak English? Rem and Ix for sure. My Inklings speak Inkling!

* * *

AN Part 2: Burning Boogaloo: It's a strange way of looking at things. Hey, I might be completely wrong, maybe Inklings can speak English by default. Not mine though, that would be ridiculous. This could be a plot hole in the main series stories, or it might just be a technicality that could be fixed with the Tele-Cube.

For those readers who are just tuning in with no idea what I'm talking about, well, don't worry about it. The next chapters will be exclusively Splat X. Probably. Hopefully.

Let's look at the reviews. Thanks Dread and...Mizu-FoxGodofWater…? Yeah. Thanks for reviewing.

Even if you couldn't bother with logging in, thanks for reviewing Dread. I mean, I'm basically screwing around with the Splat X properties as it is, so y'know, it's nice to know that you don't hate it.

Not too sure of what Mizu-Fox is saying, but thanks for checking out the story anyways, appreciate it.

Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, always remember to fight Hedlok at level seven. See you.


	3. Agent 3's Trip to the Supermarket

**Splat X: Scratched Record**

 **Agent 3's Trip to the Supermarket**

It was empty, barren, devoid of anything palpably interesting, and Maria's horror could not be more palpable. As her fingers graced the barren storage her shoulders slumped and her eyelids fluttered in absolute disbelief. Beads of light-green sweat felt frigid as they ran down her forehead.

"How…?" she gazed within the spotless container wistfully. "How did we run out so quickly?"

Her head drooped further and further until she managed to catch herself dropping, and stood as straight as she could muster. Maria's green irises glowed miserably and hard at the contents. After a moment of soaking in the sickening sight, she gave in to the horror, and her forehead slammed into the refrigerator with an exasperated moan.

"One week!" She shouted into the fridge. "Just one week and it's all gone!"

Truth be told, there happened to be a half-emptied carton of milk still inside the fridge, but-

"Ugh!" Maria groaned and covered her face with her hands.

As she sulked by the refrigerator face down, her ears pricked up suddenly, and she turned around. Closing the fridge door behind her gingerly, she huffed and stormed off out of the pristine kitchen room. Her irritated stroll slowed to a complete stop as she entered the next room, dissipating as she laid her eyes on the small crib.

Two round orb-like objects rolled about the soft sheets. One of the continually pushed against the bars, while the other continually pushed against the other one as if it trying to punch its sibling. They continued with the routine and showed little to no signs of stopping.

"Oh," She glanced at the aggressive orb, then peered at the other one lying against the bars.

She leaned over the crib, and her green tentacles dangled over them like a mobile. The two of them began to swirl back and forth over the two, tiny spheres.

"Hm," she hummed and turned away from the crib, "Jaaaaaack!"

Someone yelped as a thump echoed through the house. A cacophony followed as several different things could be heard falling in the background. Maria pursed her lips and looked back towards the room she had with a worried frown.

"Damn it!" she heard someone shout from across the house.

Maria planted a hand on her waist. "Language! The kids can hear, you know."

"They're eggs, Maria," replied the gruff voice, "Pretty sure they can't.."

"I dunno, if they're anything like their momma," Maria called, reaching into the crib, "They definitely heard you."

The voice inaudibly mumbled something before he could be heard moving clutter around. Smirking, Maria glanced back into the crib. Her eyes lit up as she watched the two of them roll around in the soft white sheets, trailing blue and green lines of ink that disappeared into thin air within seconds.

"Right, I'm here."

Maria smiled as she carefully picked the eggs up, holding them close to her chest. "Jaaaaaack."

An Inkling with platinum tentacles walked across the other room, his arms outstretched. "What'd you need?"

Maria pursed her lips and inspected him. "Um...you've got something on your face."

Jack frowned. "Do I?"

Maria suddenly scowled, walked up to him, and touched his forehead with two fingers, her eggs still carefully wrapped in her left arm. He winced, then quickly reached up and lightly pressed on the bruise on his forehead.

"A box nailed me," he admitted and sighed, "Thing was on the top of the shelf I was moving."

"I'm having second thoughts about trusting you," Maria admitted and began to walk away.

"Hold on," Jack protested as he placed himself in front of her, "You can't just leave me hanging like that. What do you need?"

"I dunnooooo." Maria smiled, hiding the orbs behind her back, "Think you can handle it?"

Jack pumped his fist in the air. "Whatever you need a strong man for, I can handle that."

"Oh, I need a man's help alright, I just need to know if you can handle it." Maria winked.

"Lay it on me." Jack asserted.

"You sure?" Maria pursed her lips and tapped the bruise again.

Jack grinned and crossed his arms. "Positive."

Maria smiled, raised her arms, and dropped the eggs on him."Okay, take care of Tek and Tenta while I'm out, okay?"

Jack fumbled, reaching to catch the orbs quickly. He looked up, eyes wide open. "Uh...sure."

He blinked and looked around in confusion. The room was empty aside from himself, the eggs, and the furniture. All of a sudden, Jack heard a door open and close shut quickly.

He sighed and stared down at the eggs. "Looks like you're going to be spending time with your old man today."

As Jack went off back into the room, Maria stood just outside the house, ear cocked and pressed to the door. She waited a moment, then smiled, humming a tune as she started for the sidewalk. She began to walk off down the gray path, humming to herself as she went. Unbeknownst to her, two pairs of eyes watched her stroll, eyeing her maliciously from afar.

"That's her. That's Agent 3 alright."

"Is it?"

"Definitely. Lord Octron will be proud."

* * *

AN: Just a short chapter for now. Apparently, there's something fidgety about this website right now. In order to post this extremely short chapter, I had to cheat and use an export since it wouldn't let me upload chapters! How strange!

Strangeness aside, thanks for the review so many months ago, Dread. Probably should've replied to that sooner.

Thanks for reading, assuming this chapter gets put out, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, see you.


	4. Octos on the Street

**Splat X: Scratched Record**

 **Octos on the Streets**

Leith spat leaves out of her mouth and swatted at the branches of the tree. "This is the worst."

Her partner's hand flew up into the air, silencing her. Leith groaned quietly and leaned back on the tree's canopy, staring up at the blue sky. Through her Octoling Goggles, the sun looked like a ginormous light bulb, shining down bright on the earth. She stared straight at it, unhindered by the light. Boredly, she reached upwards and cupped the sun in her hand, and pretended to unscrew it from the sky. Several minutes went by, and the sun stayed centered in the sky above her.

She heard the leaves rustle nearby. Leith looked to her right and watched the other Octoling as she surveyed the area with a pair of classy black binoculars. The binoculars whirred quietly as it scanned the perimeter. The binoculars wore several buttons and switches over the lenses, each fidgeted with by the other Octoling every now and then. Curiously, Leith began to inch towards the edge of the tree.

"Stand back," her partner muttered.

Leith glanced down at the branches of the tree, then back to her partner, and scowled. She raised her arms and made a face.

"Lay back then," she explained with a scowl, "It's a figure of speech."

"Have you spotted her yet?" Leith scowled as she parted the leaves of the tree.

Her partner slapped her hand away, much to her annoyance. "Lemme check. No."

"How hard can it be? Just look for a girl with orange tentacles," Leith suggested with a shrug, "...Or was it cyan?"

"Inklings can change color, dumbass," her partner scolded, "Just be patient."

"We've been patient for days now, Jodie. I can't help it," Leith muttered as she laid back on the branches. She settled back into them uncomfortably. "I'm dying for something. Anything."

Jodie sighed and removed her binoculars. "Preaching to the choir. What I wouldn't give for a miracle."

Leith could only nod at her as she laid back in the canopy. She felt something beneath her back, which she took and promptly discarded. She heard a fit of panicked chirping and tweeting that nearly made her heart stop.

"Oh God. What'd I throw?" she questioned as she poked her head over the side of the tree.

"Who cares," Jodie muttered as she returned to scanning the street.

"Shit!" Leith cursed as she shoved the leaves out of her way.

The leaves and twigs rustled as she fell. Before Leith could fall out of the tree, she felt herself hang from the top of the tree, briefly suspended. For a split second, Leith noticed something funny about the nearest streetlamp. Stranded on top was a bird's nest, with several eggs still precariously preserved inside the nest. Upon seeing the nest, Leith blew out a sigh of relief, then was tugged back up into the tree by her Octoling Armor, where she was then slapped straight across the face.

She gasped and held her hand to her cheek. "Gah!"

"You almost got us caught," Jodie hissed, "If I wasn't here, the entire street would be gunning you down."

Leith grumbled and shoved her to the side. "Buzz off."

"Knock it off!" Jodie hissed, "I swear. If you fuck this up- There she is. There she is, get off!"

Jodie shoved Leith to the side and held her binoculars up to her eyes. Leith landed in the branches, jolted up, and nearly screamed. Her lower lip bled slightly as she bit down on it. She reached back, gripped hold, and tugged a sharp tree spike from her back. Furious, she raised it over her head, aiming the blunt end for the other Octoling. As she was about to bring it down on Jodie's head, she paused and scoped out the area.

Walking ahead of the tree was one of the prettiest persons she had seen.

Leith squeaked on reflex. Jodie's tentacles twitched. Her arm reached up, gripped the back of Leith's armor, and yanked her back down into the tree. Leaves rustled, twigs snapped, and Leith yelped.

* * *

Maria spun around quickly and scanned the area. The sidewalk, besides her, a lamppost, and a large tree in a planter were completely empty. She squinted, then flinched as her own tentacles whipped around her face and smacked her. Maria paused for a full second. Flustered, she quickly wrapped her tentacles around each other, tied them together behind her head and began to walk away on her merry way yet again.

* * *

Jolie clamped one around Leith's mouth. Leith, however, was almost completely silent and still.

Jodie growled and furrowed her brow at the Inkling. "Agent 3."

Stunned, all Leith could manage was a blink as she removed her Octoling Goggles, exposing her violet eyes. "Huh."

She was pulled in face to face with Jodie, who snarled and questioned, "What the hell, Leith! What's wrong with you?"

Leith scowled, parted the leaves, and pointed out of the small opening she made. "That's an Inkling?"

"Yes," Jodie answered plainly, "Agent 3, and you almost revealed ourselves to her."

"That's Agent 3? That Inkling, right there?" Leith asked, pointing each time.

Jodie scowled in confusion. "What are you talking about? Of course she is. Can't you tell by the tentacles? The way she walks?"

"The way she walks…" Leith mused and turned back to look out of the foliage.

Leith gawked at the so-called "Agent 3" for quite some time. She followed her very footsteps closely and practically absorbed the confident way she strut forward down the sidewalk. For some reason, Leith felt compelled to follow her.

"Yeah…" Leith murmured with a hum.

Jodie's goggles' lights flared up in alarm. Taking ahold of Leith's face, she raised her palm and smacked Leith straight across the face.

"Agh!" Leith complained and rubbed her cheek gently, "Could you not?"

"Get. A. Grip. What's with you?" Jodie demanded, hands on her hips.

Leith scowled and her own goggles flared. "No one ever told me Inklings looked like that!"

Jodie bit her lip and glanced away. "...So that's it."

Leith nodded furiously. "Like what the hell, she looks like-"

"The devil," Jodie finished, "I agree."

Leith frowned and turned to Jodie. "No?"

Jodie sighed and pat Leith on the shoulder. "It's okay Leith, we'll get through this. You'll get used to the sight of their hideous tentacle and hipster clothing styles soon enough."

"What are you-" Leith bit her lip and glanced to the side.

The pretty Inkling Leith had spied was gone.

"Annnnnd she's not here anymore," Leith muttered in disappointment.

Jodie nodded and pushed the leaves out of the way. "Time to go. The sooner we finish the job, the sooner we can leave."

Leith gulped. "Right."

"But don't screw anything else up."

Leith frowned and tapped her Octoling Goggles. "Uh-huh."

"Right then," Jodie muttered and parted the leaves from the tree, "Let's get out of this tree and get her."

Leith nodded. Carefully, Jodie poked her head out from the leaves and glanced left to right cautiously. She signaled to the other Octoling as she jumped out in her octopus form onto the sidewalk. Following suit, Leith shrunk down into a violet octopus form and jumped out, scattering leaves all over the sidewalk. As they hit the floor, the octopuses returned to their Octoling forms and made a break for the nearest alley. Through the dank corridors of the buildings away from the sidewalk, they made their way up the street.

* * *

All throughout her walk, Maria felt the nagging need to take a cursory glance over her shoulder. She shivered, but not because she was cold. The sun in Inkopolis was as bright as ever. Each and every turn around a corner, whenever she walked across the street, she felt as though there was someone watching her every step.

It was around the thirtieth or so block that Maria finally stopped, turned around one-hundred and eighty degrees, and stared back down the road she had just walked. A few cars rolled past the street. Young squids ran around with their friends, laughing and playing amidst the noise of traffic.

She squinted and stared straight down an alley. Within the dark corridor laid several trash cans, some overturned, a few pieces of litter, and dirt. As she stared down the alleyway, Maria bit her lip. Strangely while she gazed at the average alley, her nerves and her instincts alerted her. Her finger itched and her heart beat faster and faster until it became a pounding in her chest.

Maria shook her head and turned back around, mentally scolding herself. _"I should do some jogging or something…"_

As she walked, her steps were light and her pace was quick. The moment she turned, a trash bin in the alley began to tremble and shake. The bin turned itself towards the street. It took one step forward then another, and another. Stopping itself just before it reached the sidewalk, the bin stopped as a young Inkling lad walked on by, chewing on a sandwich. He turned to the trash bin, paused, and reached for the lid.

"Get out of the way!" the bin suddenly ordered, "You're blocking my sight."

Startled, he tossed his unfinished sandwich at the bin, splattering mayonnaise and bread across the front of it. He ran off with a scream just as the trash bin huffed. The lid popped off, and out popped Jodie, spying with her binoculars in hand.

"She's walking farther and farther away from headquarters," Jodie remarked, "This operation is going to get riskier and riskier the longer we stall."

Another trash can hopped up to the side. The other trash can's lid also popped off, revealing Leith. She frowned at the mess in front of Jodie's bin.

"Who throws away that much food?" Leith remarked as she eyed the sandwich.

Jodie scowled and shook her head. "An example of the damaging Inkling lifestyle at work. Take notes, rookie."

Leith frowned and glanced ahead. "So, how are we doing this? What's the plan?"

Jodie glanced to the left and nodded, digging into the trash can. "It's as Lord Octron desires; the assassination of Agent 3. How and what we do or use to accomplish this is up to us. Of course, given our limited range of operations, intel was up to our scouts."

"So, just us," Leith commented with a groan.

Jodie glanced down at the floor with her Octoling Goggles dimmed. "...Unfortunately, as our troops are spread thin, it was up to us to gather information about the battle environments. Admittedly, I only have a rough sketch of the land around us, so we'll have to make due with what we have."

"What do we have?" Leith asked as she and her trash can hopped over to the right.

Jodie scowled and pulled out a tattered scroll. Leith leaned over and inspected the paper, only to crinkle her face. She held her nose and waved the air in protest.

"Eck," she gagged, "What the hell?"

Jodie sighed and shook her head. "I agree, it reeks of incompetence."

Upon closer inspection, Leith realized something off about that map. Namely, that the map was not so much a map as it was a crudely drawn picture of Agent 3. Her figure was displayed walking to a peculiar box shape, with an unfamiliar word written on the front of the box.

"What's that?" Leith asked, still fanning away at the odor.

"As far as I know, the Inklings and others refer to it as a 'supermarket'," Jodie explained as she folded up the scroll, "It is where they go to purchase food and other rations for their lives. Intel has it that Agent 3 is on her weekly supply run."

"Can't they just keep rations in their homes?" Leith asked, "And if it's called a supermarket, what makes it better than regular markets?"

Jodie shook her head. "They'd rather wait until they exhaust their supplies or when they expire until their next trip. And from what I know, supermarkets are like regular street markets, but the supplies are even less fresh than usual."

"Inklings are weird," Leith muttered with a huff.

"That brings me to the next part of the plan, unfortunately." Jodie reached one hand and dug through the trash can, much to Leith's nose's distaste. "In order to infiltrate the supermarket, we risk breaking cover. There are plenty of security devices everywhere that would detect our arrival, not to mention our weapons."

Leith reached into her own trash can, pinching her nose shut as she did. She pulled out a small, gray gun, an Octoshot, already filling with violet ink. Leith glanced over at Jodie, then put the weapon away.

She turned to Jodie and scowled. "Alright, so…"

"'So', that's why I'm going to use this," Jodie remarked as she pulled out a small black pen, "Take off your goggles."

Leith instinctively hopped back in her trash can. "Did you get that from the fucking trash?"

Jodie shook her head and hopped after her. "No, recycling."

"I don't want that stuff on my face, dude! Get away from me!" Leith screamed as she hopped back into the alley.

Leith made it about a few steps back into the darkness before she was jumped. Jodie, who had leaped from out of her own bin, tackled her and her trash down to the ground. The struggle lasted about a few seconds before Jodie smacked Leith's goggles off. Uncapping the pen, Jodie took it to her partner's face and pressed it between her eyes.

"There," Jodie managed to say with a grunt, "Indistinguishable."

Leith growled and reached up to touch her own face. She withdrew her fingers and stared at them. Dry, black ink coated her fingertips, much to Leith's own displeasure.

"This is your plan? Draw a line on my face?" Leith complained.

Jodie sighed and shook her head. "You're right, Inklings would see right through that disguise."

"You have something else in mind?" Leith spat.

Jodie's goggles lit up on her face as she looked at Leith. "Actually, I think...I'll need to see your tentacles, please."

"No!" Leith shouted in protest as she clutched her hair defensively.

* * *

Maria pursed her lips as she scanned the shelves. There were dozens, if not hundreds of different brands of milk cartons, each one with a neat label or some sort of manatee cartoon advertising itself on the front of the box. Nonchalantly, Maria swiped one of the cartons off of the shelf and walked off down the aisle. For a brief moment, she paused again and took in the aisle's bounty.

 _"Maybe a few snacks wouldn't hurt."_

* * *

Jodie sighed and admired her handiwork. Biting her lip, she reached up and gave Leith's tentacles one firm tug. "There, finished."

Without her goggles and draped in the Inkling fashion, Leith felt naked and embarrassed. Now donning a white t-shirt too big for her over her armor, Leith touched her face and scowled. Her eyes were traced around with black ink. Her sharp Octoling facial features were smoothed...or were at least attempted. The fake Inkling line between her eyes smudged over her nose.

Jodie walked around her, hand on her chin, inspecting her from head to toe. "It'll have to do."

"Guh, I smell horrible," Leith complained.

"You'll fit right in," Jodie remarked as she switched into an octopus.

With that said, she leaped into Leith's shirt.

Leith's cheeks flared a rosy tint of purple. "Jodie!"

"We don't have time to disguise me. I'll be your guide while you make your way to the supermarket," she explained as she wrapped her tentacles around Leith's chest.

"Ow, what the hell! Ease up on the breasts!" Leith complained.

Jodie scowled. "It's not like I'm having the time of my life either. You're not exactly built with cushioning. Would you rather I take shelter in your pants?"

Leith shook her head, adjusted her shirt, and made her way out of the alley. "Say one more thing and I'm evicting you out of there."

"Bickering isn't going to help. Cross the street and turn right at the end of the block, then there should be a giant white building down there." Jodie explained as she shrunk back into the comfort of the shirt.

Leith cautiously turned the corner carefully. She took one precarious step out of the alleyway onto the sidewalk and surveyed the perimeter ever so carefully. As a pair of Inklings, a girl and a boy, walked her way, laughing and chattering to themselves. Leith tensed up instinctively. However, much to her surprise, the pair of them simply passed her by, still conversing nonchalantly.

"Wow. You're better than I thought," Leith whispered down into her shirt.

From inside the material, Jodie's octopus eyes winked back up at her. The two of them made their way across the street, Leith keeping a careful eye out on their urban surroundings. It was only until they made it across the street and rounded the corner that the Inkling pair stopped, glanced at each other, and each wheezed as though they were running out of breath.

"Please tell me that I wasn't just imagining that," the Inkling boy spoke with a cough.

The Inkling girl shook her head. "What part of that? The gravity-defying chest? The creepy eyes? The fact she was talking to her own chest?"

The Inkling boy shuddered. "Or the way she walked…that was so…"

"Ick?" the girl offered.

The boy shivered in fear. "...Exotic maybe?"

The two Inklings shook their head and rounded the corner, nothing but the bizarre woman on their minds.

* * *

AN: Not long ago, Dread Angel of the Dread Angels deleted all Splat X stories off of his fanfic account. R.I.P.

Sooooooooo now I guess I'm the only one with Splat X stories on here. That's weird. You're weird. This site is weird.

Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, this is weird. See ya.


	5. Supermarket Showdown

**Splat X: Scratched Record**

 **Supermarket Showdown**

Maria hummed a tune to herself, but the novelty of the music playing in her head wore off quickly. With a sigh, she shoved the shopping cart forward, which was straining under the weight of the dozens of groceries. Admittedly, she felt like she had gotten carried away. Especially with the milk.

Pushing around the gallons of milk, Maria started to make her way out from the aisle and towards the checkout. The wheels of her cart squeaked as they tried to roll under the great weight of the jugs. Maria made it about four more steps before the cart's wheels squeaked their last and fell apart. Hitting the floor, the cart's wheels rolled away in separate directions almost as if they were trying to escape.

Maria took one long, tired look at the grocery cart. Without missing a beat, she crouched down, clasped the cart in both hands, and strained to lift it up. Hefting it up, Maria began to walk away down the aisle.

" _After this, I'm lifting weights,"_ Maria decided between grunts of effort.

Other shoppers stared at the woman carrying a grocery cart of milk as she exited the dairy aisle. Maria thought to smile and wave but decided it wasn't worth it. Staggering past the entrance, she made her way towards the nearest cashier, inching ever so slowly.

As Maria passed by, a grizzled "Inkling" stepped in, fidgeting with her shirt. She stopped just in front of the automatic doors. Freezing by the entrance, Leith gasped in awe.

"What the…" She whispered.

Out from her white t-shirt, Jodie's head popped out and took in the sights alongside her. There were rows and rows of shelves, each one stocked to the brim with colorful wrappers advertising percentages of fat. Confectionaries were placed for the world to see. Cartoons and mascots on cereal boxes winked back at the Octolings while scooping up 3D renderings of cereal for their 2D mouths to enjoy.

"I see why they call this a 'supermarket'," Jodie remarked, leaning over the side of the t-shirt.

"Shh!" Leith hushed, stuffing Jodie back into her t-shirt, "You'll blow our cover."

Just then, one of the grocery staff walking by with a broom shot her a curious look. Upon seeing her chest move on its own, he immediately readjusted himself to pretend he hadn't seen her. Glaring down her shirt, Leith punched herself in the chest. Jodie yipped in surprise much to Leith's amusement. Leith's amusement waned quickly when she felt a sharp pain in her chest area.

"We're not getting anywhere," Jodie remarked sharply, "We're here to find Agent 3. So get going."

"You try moving with an octopus on your bust!" Leith hissed, then frowned, "Weirdest thing I've had to say all day."

"Get going!" Jodie exclaimed and pulled her forward.

Leith sustained a yelp as she was pulled forward by her t-shirt. Throwing a sharp scowl Jodie's way, she regained her posture and began to walk about the store, glancing around her every now and then. Leith received a few questionable looks, but the onlookers stopped staring soon enough and returned to their shopping.

"I don't see her…" Leith muttered down to her shirt.

"Walk by some of the food halls," Jodie suggested, poking a tentacle out of her shirt.

Leith turned her head and laughed. "You mean the 'aisles'?"

"How the hell do you know what they're called?" Jodie asked, giving her a stink-eye, "You haven't even-"

Just then, a voice blared through the intercom, "Clean up on aisle four!"

Leith smirked as an Inkling armed with a mop dashed into the aisle she just walked by. Jodie grumbled something and sank back into the t-shirt. Brandishing the mop, the janitor began sweeping away diligently at what looked like shopping cart wheels.

Leith stopped when the janitor shot an exasperated smile back at her. One look at the janitor and Leith could assume this wasn't her first time sweeping herself into a coma. The bags around the janitor's eyes and the way her back looked was crooked. Despite that, she still smiled. Leith simply waved and went on her merry way.

"Free sample?"

"Oof!" Leith recoiled, clutching her jaw.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!"

Leith froze up. In front of her, an adolescent Inkling girl retracted her hand from Leith's face and set it behind the small table she sat at. For a second, Leith's battle instincts took hold of her and she brandished her fists, only to find a cookie hovering in front of her face.

"What?" Leith spoke up accidentally.

The girl raised the cookie to Leith. "Sorry, I was trying to offer you a cookie, but I didn't think my arm would extend that far, and uh…free sample?"

"Free?" Leith cocked her head, "This isn't like a trick or anything?"

"What?" The girl tilted her head innocently.

"There's no poison in here, is there?" Leith frowned, taking the small cookie and eyeing it closely.

"Gee, you say that as if you've never been to a supermarket before," the girl stated.

The look Leith was making didn't convince her otherwise. "You just give out food?"

"Well, I mean, not everywhere, but…"

Leith then dropped the cookie into her shirt and walked off. "Thanks."

The girl ogled her in confusion as she walked off. "...Yeah?"

Leith looked left to right, still searching for their target. Her chest made crunching noises as she walked, which definitely started to attract more attention, which was immediately terminated after a glance. Leith glared down her shirt at her comrade as she finished the sample.

"And you thought I was gonna blow our cover," Leith muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"Shuuuu umph. I wuh-" Jodie swallowed, "I was hungry."

Leith turned her attention back to the grocery sections. "Don't get crumbs on my chest-plate."

Leith heard a hiss in reply, but walked on, ignoring Jodie. For a while, there was nothing else but other shoppers and the occasional bored employee. Leith passed by a few fruits stacked upon each other, an indoor coffee shop, and so on and so forth. No Agent 3.

Leith sighed and pulled her shirt forward a tad to glance in. "Nope."

"Not a peek?" Jodie asked, to which Leith shook her head sadly.

"We lost her," Leith shook her head.

"Shit," Jodie stated aptly.

Shaking her head slowly, Leith made her way for the exit. "Sorry. I probably should've walked a little-"

"Ooh!"

"Gah!"

Leith nearly fell face first. Thinking fast, Jodie extended her tentacles to the floor and pushed Leith up, though with plenty of struggling and grunting involved. Leith glanced up and saw several milk cartons scattered around the floor and a woman already scrambling to retrieve them all.

" _Second time today."_ Against her better judgment, Leith reached for a carton saying, "Here, let me help you with that."

Maria sighed in relief. "Thank you…"

Leith froze in place again. Maria smiled back at her as she had already begun to pile on the milk jugs back in her broken cart. Almost transfixed, she studied Agent 3's face. She was older, but still had an air of youth to her. She looked amazing.

Amazing enough to wipe out an Octarian in seconds.

"Hm?" Maria tilted her head, "Is something-"

"Leith!" Jodie shouted.

Without hesitating, Leith tore her disguise apart, scattering fabrics and wiping the already smudging make-up off. Initially, Maria was shocked, mostly because this stranger ripped her clothes off. Within seconds, she identified a multitude of details, most notably that the two Octolings engaging her had already equipped weapons. Maria sighed.

No gun?

Maria whipped around, grabbed a milk jug, and belted Leith over the head as she flew at her. Jodie spun forward while firing an Octoshot. Maria, still carrying the milk jug, did the same to Jodie. Both Octolings laid on the ground, but neither were down and dazed. Well, not completely.

"Did she seriously just knock us on our asses with milk?" Leith asked the birds flying around her head.

The birds squeaked a warning as they flew off to who knew where. In their place, a very angry Agent 3 carried two milk jugs over her head and swung down as if they were hammers. Rolling to the side in her octopus form, Leith scooted out of the way as the jugs smashed into the floor. Hardly missing a beat, she switched back into her old Octoling self and fired in Maria's general direction.

Panic erupted within the supermarket. Previously indisposed cashiers abandoned their posts. The girl at the sample stand ducked as ink bullets rained over her head. The janitor…

The janitor looked the same. Maybe worse.

Anyway, Maria had taken it upon herself to dive behind the pineapples. Leith and Jodie made a dash for the same pile she had hidden behind, firing wildly as they ran. Maria glanced from behind the pile, barely dodging a lucky shot that grazed her cheek. Maria pressed her hand to her cheek, grunting as if to acknowledge the burning sensation. Glancing around, Maria's gaze shifted up to the pineapple pile.

The two Octolings surrounded the pineapple pile, pointing their ink guns at the fruit. "Come out Agent 3! This'll be a lot less painful for all of us if you come quietly with us!"

Neither expected the laugh that followed. "That's adorable, hun."

"What?" Leith lowered her weapon.

"I mean that it's nice and all that you decided to give me this workout and all, but I've got kids now," Maria admitted, "Whoever sent you, tell them that."

"Wh- No. We're not going back without you, dead or alive!" Leith shouted, "Like seriously, you seem nice and all-"

"LEITH!" Jodie shouted, gawking at her partner.

"But be that may be, Jodie and I have been gunning for you for three days! Three! Most of which has been spent in trees!" Leith screeched and pointed her Octoshot, "So I don't care how perfect you look! You're going down!"

Jodie facepalmed. "Oh, my God."

Maria suppressed a laugh. "You two make a good couple, but as for your offer…"

Maria jumped up on the pineapple pile, took a pineapple, and lobbed it towards the Octolings. Not unlike dogs, the two yipped and scrambled away from the fruit. Maria threw fruit after fruit, many of which met their mark. Soon, however, Maria began to run out. That and the Octolings realized that these were pineapples being tossed at them, and eventually got over it.

Maria hit the deck quickly, dancing through the bullets. Her gracefulness in dodging was, to say the least, rusty. She managed to sprint from most of the bullets, but every now and again she would be grazed or even nailed in the back. Still, Maria was standing, and she managed to make it down the next aisle. In a frenzy, she started picking random objects off the shelves and hurled them back at her pursuers.

One water bottle, a pack of ice cream, a few cereal boxes and a steak later, Maria found herself in front of the meat department. Maria swiveled around. Disgruntled, covered in foodstuffs, and still shooting, the Octolings were gaining on her. Maria considered her options, mostly fistfighting. That option went out the window when they got closer and their aim got better, nailing her in the abdomen.

Maria retreated behind a display case of various meats, holding her side. The ink soaked through her clothes and stung her skin. Scowling, Maria switched into a green squid and slid away into the employee quarters.

The Octolings followed, looking around. Jodie turned to Leith and pressed a finger up to her lips, and both of them stalked quietly throughout the meat department. Leith turned into a small octopus while Jodie fired a few salvos of ink for her to swim in. As Leith swam off, Jodie eyed her Octoshot. Already the ink reserves were low.

Before Jodie could try to switch into octopus form, her blood ran cold as she felt the cold bite of steel press up against her neck.

"Shit," Jodie grunted, sweat trailing down her face.

"So, which Octarian sent you this time? Did Octavio crawl back from the grave?" Maria asked as she pressed the knife closer.

"Mngh," Jodie grunted.

Jodie wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she was extremely freaked out. She felt like the knife was tearing across her throat and her neck was already wet with her blood. In reality, a lot of sweat had collected on the knife and it had barely scratched her, but it didn't matter much for Jodie since there happened to be a KNIFE pressed to her NECK.

"Didn't find her-" Leith stated, rising from the ink.

Leith froze for what felt like the thirtieth time that day. There was Jodie, barely moving, with Maria standing behind her, arm around her chest and knife pointed to her neck. To say that Leith was horrified would be an understatement.

"Oh my God holy shit Jodie oh my God-"

Maria frowned. _"Are they sending recruits after me now?"_

"Um...don't move!" Leith suggested.

"Do you- Are you looking at me right now?" Jodie said, albeit a little higher-pitched than she would've liked.

Leith pointed her Octoshot at the two, already sweating bullets. "Let her go!"

"You...ugh. Leith." Jodie looked away.

"...What?"

Jodie gave her a look. "If I'm gonna die here, I want you to shoot her."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Jodie, you won't die. I'm not letting that happen. Let her go!"

Maria didn't flinch, and simply stared at both of them with the knife still in front of Jodie's throat.

"Don't do that, she'll just kill me anyway!"

"Wha? No! She's reasonable!"

"She has a fucking knife to my throaaaaaaooookaaaaaay!" Jodie screeched as the knife was pressed against her throat again. Amidst choking, Jodie reached out to Leith and said, "Shoot...gah...shoot!"

"She's not even pressing it that hard to your throat!" Leith stated, lowering her gun.

"Oh, do you wanna play the hostage!" Jodie asked.

The Octolings began to bicker with one another. Maria frowned at the squabbling, then looked about the store. Past the displays of meat, the milk aisle was right in front of the meat department. Maria then looked back at the Octoling she had in her grip and the other one.

"...Okay, I'm done." Maria spoke up.

Leith and Jodie turned to her. "Wha?"

"I'm letting you two go," Maria stated simply as she pushed Jodie towards her partner, "I need to get home soon anyway."

Jodie practically tackled Leith to the ground. The Octolings scrambled to their feet quickly enough, peering over the side of the display case. Before they knew it, Maria had snagged another milk jug and was gone.

"Hey! Get back here!" Jodie screamed, already climbing over the glass.

"No!"

Jodie squeaked as she was pulled back down by her shorts. Landing on her rump, she growled and spun to Leith, ready to dispute.

"We can't fight her," Leith stated firmly.

"What? You said it yourself Jodie, three days!"

"We can't," Leith shook her head helplessly, "We just can't."

Jodie looked at Leith. Leith was worried. Genuine, actual, bonafide worry. Slowly but surely, Jodie let her arms slump by her sides. The two Octolings sat together in the meat department while confused and terrified staff began to gather around the mess as well as approach the Octolings.

* * *

"That's it, then?"

Leith sighed as her legs dangled over the edge. In spite of the giant lightbulb looming over the area, the kettle room felt darker than usual. Turning to Jodie, she nodded miserably, then pressed her arms to her knees.

"Yep."

"Dishonorable discharge, huh…" Jodie scowled and looked down at the ground, "For saving my life?"

"For letting Agent 3 get away," Leith muttered, annoyed.

Jodie crouched down and rested her head on Leith's shoulder. "Sorry."

"No, I should be sorry. Thanks to me, you won't have a partner for scouting anymore," Leith complained and slammed her fist in the dirt, "God, it's all that new leader's fault. He's such a-"

"Dick?"

Leith folded her arms. "Sure, if we're being nice about it."

Jodie sighed and sat down beside Leith. The two women stared up at the lightbulb through their Octoling Goggles.

Leith scowled. "Doesn't beat the real thing."

"Yeah."

Jodie turned on her side. "What are you going to do now?"

"Recreation and development in the kettle domes," Leith explained, "Farming vegetables, helping the other Octarians, that sorta stuff."

"All because we couldn't catch one agent." Jodie shut her eyes and puffed out some air.

"Yeah."

The two laid in silence, basking in the artificial rays of their artificial sun.

"She was pretty, wasn't she?" Leith admitted.

"Huh?"

"Agent 3."

"Meh."

Leith sat up straight and glared at Jodie. "No way, if I was a dude I'd-"

"If I was a dude, I'd be more into the girl who saved my life."

"...I guess that makes sense."

"Yeah."

For the rest of the day, the two laid on the dirt in silence, staring up at the sun and the giant, artificial clouds while they rolled by.

* * *

AN: Admittedly this became more about the Octolings than Maria, but perspectives, right?

Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, and I'm not fond of graduation ceremonies.


End file.
